Meami Craig blog
Dr. Meami Craig is a proud Rochester native and has been the on-air Lifestyles Editor on "Tony and Dee in the Morning" on WRMM-FM (101.3) for the past 12 years. A graduate of Harvard University with a doctorate in psychology, Meami is married and mom to two children in college. She is "fascinated by all things human" and is known for her down-to-earth attitude and sense of humor on the air. Listen to her from 7 a.m. to 9 a.m. Tuesday and Thursday mornings on WRMM and call in live to tell her what you think. She can be emailed at meami_craig@yahoo.com.
Guit in Relationships-Does it serve any purpose?
I recently heard the most amazing "take" on guilt in relationships from, of all places, a hot TV drama show. Meredith Grey of Greys Anatomy was musing at the end of a guilty pleasure of show to watch last Thursday evening that: "Guilt: You decide what to do with your guilt. You cam either let the guilt throw you back into the behavior that got you there in the first place, or you can learn from it and not repeat the same mistake." That is the best possibile resolution of guilt technique I have heard in a liftime of living with it, studying it, reading about it, hearing in church about it and just plain dealing with it like we all do in life. What do you do in a relationship where you know your guilt is real and deserved, due to time gone by and deep inner reflection and "a ha" moments of seeing yourself clearly in the wrong? You can choose to say you are sorry and mean it, but does your sorrow at having done what you have done make the other person in the relationship feel any better at being wronged--and in aftermath of your wrongdoing which they now must struggle with? I say to say you're sorry and mean it, but then to SHOW you are truly sorry by changing your behavior, consistently, to never repeat the same mistake with that person--to honor them in that way. Oprah Winfrey says a change in
belief, first, then leads to a shift in behavior. Dr. Meami Craig says Oprah's dead right, but adds that actions always speak louder than words, so consistent new behavior allows you to let go of the burden of guilt to once again seek happiness in that relationship. Try it, I have, and it works!
Sit right down and write a letter!
There is nothing that feels better when you get the mail nowadays than a personal note or even just a card amongst the bills blaring at us! The art of letter writing is lost nowadays and it can be used to keep in touch with yourself via journaling your feelings, or sending a love letter unexpectedly to your loved one--and that means mailing it with a stamp even if you live in the same house so they get the feeling of mail in the mailbox intended--with love inside--sent for them. Many people feel overwhelmed by the thought of writing a letter, so start small if you need to, just writing a few sincere words you would like the other to know about how you feel about them and not demanding more of yourself. For example, my aunt is quite ill and I wrote her a one liner telling her thanks for being the greatest aunt for me I could ever ask for. For Christmas this year, I am considering giving no material gifts at all and just giving relatively long "from the heart" letters about why I appreciate every person I would normally buy for. How do other people reading this feel about this idea, and how would it make you feel to get a letter or note in the mail today? Or how would it make you feel to get a letter from your special someone about why they love you--let them count the ways--instead of a dozen red roses for an anniversary?
Update!
I am doing very well with my attempt to lose 50 lbs. and transform my physical self with exercise and eating right! Low carb works best for me and I would love to hear fom any other low-carbers out there on how you do it best and products you have found, etc. Sometimes the best way to get started with a weight loss program is just to START--I admit, it is hard to look in the mirror at my workoout place and see the extra lbs. still hanging on there, but I now think of it as my "past visting fat." In other words, it is just visiting and from the past and on it's way off and out! The actual exercise is not easy either--12 reps on 12 machines minimum if not 15--and I go so fast from machine to machine it is almost like circuit training! But for now I am working on LIKING the gym and looking forward emotionally to being there--not seeing as drudgery or punishment for lifetime of hapless ho ho's! Write to me if you've had a success or are struggling for a success in getting fit! Let's help each other get all the way there this time and forever!
Ugly Betty?
I have caught a little bit of as new show called
"Ugly Betty" and am wondering how other people are reacting to it--I feel mixed. First of all, I do not think she is ugly. I don't think any woman is truly ugly and resent the show calling itself what it does. Would we have a show called "Ugly Jim?" Is the old wives tale true that "a woman's face is her fortune..."? This would mean that with a pretty versus a plain face she can snag a rich man, this ensuring her a happy future--well it is all just a little too nipped and tucked up too nicely for me. The show "Ugly Betty" seems to be saying that although she has braces and an extra 10 lbs., Betty has smarts, good old fashioned common sense and a big loving heart, that will all endear her to her young man her same age boss (whose daddy owns the company she works for and those two just have to get together eventually, right?) What does anybody else think about this being somewhat stereotypical?
Roots and Wings
My husband Bob and I have taken great care, over the past 21 years of being parents, to give our children both a strong feeling of roots and wings in that they know they come from a firmly planted home but feel free to fly solo and leave the nest soaring. They are both in college now, and it is no easier to coach them from adistance than it was from the dining room table every night. I invite other readers here to answer me: how do you keep encouraging them long distance, over the telephone wires? I sounds easier than it is in reality, and I await your answers! Thanks!
Cold city?
Have you noticed a lot of little colds going around Rochester this week? I have been nursing one the past few days and I think it has to do with all the kids going back to school and being around each other just long enough to have the germs spread! Bottom line: it is a luxury, a gift to learn to make and take the time to take care of ourselves when we get little bugs like this...self-care is an art, one many of us were not taught as children. Being self-centered, that is centered in one's self in order to have more to give to other people is a GREAT thing and it is quite different from the negative state of being selfish. Why not consider the possibility of being self centered as a personal strength just as important as having high self-esteem, as opposed to being selfish? And while I'm at it, why don't they make parenting classes and personal finance 101 a part of the basic high school curriculum like they do economics or chemistry? I certainly would have liked to learn in a formal setting how to balance my own checkbook which I literally have not attempted since the early 80's! I just ballpark the numbers and hope for the best! There should be a whole entire curriculum in our schools based around the concept that if we teach individual students to take care of themselves and be reponsible for themselves--self centered in the positive way--the world will change for the better one person at a time.
Self Care Rules
I am starting a new regime as of today and it involves intensive self care work. This means I will be working with a personal trainer at a local athletic club for six days a week for half an hour, using the second half of the hour (or more) to work out on my own and sit in the steam room and detoxify my body. I've also book time to have my hair professionally japanese thermal straightened as it takes away the awful frizz I live with otherwise; regular facials and hair lasering on places on the body where we do not want hair sprouting are on the list too. It's do or die for me literally--my cholestrol is sky high and it is time to lose about 50 extra lbs. that have been like, to quote Oprah Winfrey, "mud on my wings". I am making this financial and physical investment into myself right now as a mortgage on my life in that I am proud to say I have done a GREAT job successfully raising two kids out of the lovingly cozy home nest and into college and now it is time for me take as good care of myself as I have of them all these years. This also involves taking the time to have more fun with my husband Bob-he is an AMAZING human being and just being with him at an time is a pure treat. And if I can honestly say that after 26 years together--we married young!!!--than there is lot to be happy about. And after 6 days of working out with a trainer, on the 7th day I shall rest and get a massage, just to keep my body going, limber and rewarded. Write me back and tell me what you think of my new, radical plan for self-transformation!
