Meami Craig blog
Dr. Meami Craig is a proud Rochester native and has been the on-air Lifestyles Editor on "Tony and Dee in the Morning" on WRMM-FM (101.3) for the past 12 years. A graduate of Harvard University with a doctorate in psychology, Meami is married and mom to two children in college. She is "fascinated by all things human" and is known for her down-to-earth attitude and sense of humor on the air. Listen to her from 7 a.m. to 9 a.m. Tuesday and Thursday mornings on WRMM and call in live to tell her what you think. She can be emailed at meami_craig@yahoo.com.
Why Good People Do Bad Things
There's a GREAT new book out written by author Debbie Ford and entitled, "Why Good People Do Bad Things". She starts by asking the reader the basic question: are you or is someone else you know your own worst enemy? Ford contends that so many people sabotage themselves, not at all unlike former governor Elliot Spitzer. He had it all in front of him, maybe even the White House, and he recklessly threw it all away by being a good person doing a bad thing. Apparently Spitzer, and many of us, create a false self, hoping people will like us for that because "the real me" buried deep down inside isn't good enough to be loved just as it naturally is. This is exactly why so many people spend money they don't have, blow their diets, say things they later regret, cheat on their partner, act out in inappropriate ways, sell out for a quick fix, and violate their own or other people's boundaries. The book offers ways to get in touch with your real, authentic self, and to free yourself from the limitations of guilt, self-deception, and shame so you can live your best life operating with your highest self all of the time. We all have the potential to be emotional chameleons, acting differently depending on who we're with and under what circumstances. Even the famed and wonderful broadcaster and spiritual leader Oprah Winfrey changes her speech pattern and tone of voice depending on whom she is interviewing. But the real truth is that fully self-actualized human beings present the same "self" to all people in all situations. My best friend is as warm and friendly to toll booth operators as he is to CEO's of major national companies--and that's why I married him. The main reason I recommend this book is because reading it can bring you to a genuine feeling of inner peace as you learn to identify your real self and present that one true self to the world in every interaction you have, all the time. Does this appeal to you? Do you feel you are the same "you" with everyone you come into contact with or is there a "good behavior" you that you share only with those in positions of power? Do you treat the airline employee who breaks the news of a cancelled flight to you the same way you wold treat the airline's CEO? Do people treat YOU differently based on your name and societal rank? Please share your answers, your comments and your own questions right here on line with all of us. Thanks, and have an authentic self day! :-)
Finding Love and Romance in Erie, Pa.!
I have been married 28 years this August and I guess we must still really be in love because we are finding romance in a budget hotel in Erie, Pa. of all places! My husband Bob had to be here for business and he was careful to explain to me that he booked his budget hotel--surrounded here on the highway by all the other budget hotels--BEFORE he knew I, his beloved bride, was going to be here with him. Earlier in our life together we used to go to BARS for fun; now we are going to some famous CANDY STORE here in Erie for some real craziness! You would think I would be underwhelmed--but I'm not! I'm basically here just to have dinner in some nearby mediocre chain resteraunt with Bob--but you see, that's the whole main attraction here for me! I still like just to go out to a simple dinner with him, just to order margaritas and talk. It was a complete unknown to me when I married him at age 22, standing at the altar with not one but THREE priests in front of us--would I still even LIKE to be with him at all 28 years later?!? Thank God, I do, and he seems to like being around me too. He says one great thing about our marriage is that I never nag him and the truth is, frankly I don't see the point of that. Both husband and wife end up frustrated and they certainly don't RENDEZVOUS in Erie! Now mind you, my husband goes to a lot of truly glamorous places for his work. In fact, several years ago he had to go to Monaco, as in Princess Grace Land, for business and he did NOT take me with him as he had to give several speeches and wanted it to be all about that with NO distractions like a celebrity scoping wife! I actually agreed to that, yes folks, and here I am in Erie looking at a Citgo gas station outside my hotel window and loving it! There is no REASON in loving matters of the heart and no common or other sense. I just know the party begins for me every night when I hear Bob's key in the door--at home or in not-so-swanky Erie, Pa. And that's honestly enough for me!
But what about Eliot Spitzer's 3 daughters?
Much has been written about the two women in Elliot Spitzer's life: his wife, Silda, and his alleged prostitute, Ashley Alexandra Dupre. But very little has been written about Spitzer's 3 daughters: Elyssa, age 19; Sarabeth, age 16; and Jenna, age 14. I have been thinking of the impact this entire mess has made on his daughters, in particular because I believe they are still stunned and emotionally bleeding victims of their father's astoundingly bad choices.
Pop psychologists on TV talk shows say maybe Spitzer is a victim of his own self-sabotage. They speculate that perhaps he intended subconsciously to hurt himself by taking risky behavior because he had outdone even his wildly successful real estate magnate father when he was named Emporer so to speak, pun intended, of the state of New York.
No doubt his wife Silda is a victim of his crude choices--she of the sad, blank face whose only hint of emotion while at his side came when she raised her eyebrows high during one part of his resignation speech. To top it off, the word on the local streets here in Rochester is that most women are saying Silda Spitzer did the wrong thing by literaally standing by her man. My reaction to that is this: talk about blaming the victim! STOP!
But what about the wounds Spitzer has inflicted on his 3 daughters--back to that. I myself come from a family of three girls and one very successful dad. However, for all his financial and worldly success, my own dad's choices shocked my own family and left us emotionally bleeding--he committed suicide on the bright, brisk morning of November 7, 1979 at the age of 46. There was quite a bit of press coverage in local newspapers, and on Rochester TV stations of his sad and stunning choice--and our family coped in the glare of a harsh local spotlight. It was not unlike what is happening right now for the 3 Spitzer daughters on a national level. You have to deal immediately with the unbelievable truth of the situation all while on public display. My sisters and I, not unlike the Spitzer girls, needed psychological first aid to cope with the shock, the grief, the spotlight, the anger, and the gossip his suicide caused. However, unlike Spitzer, my dad was not at moral fault and his integrity remained firm; he was simply clinically depressed and untreated for it as depression was not seen as a disease in those days, especially among prominent men. I wonder how long it will actually be before Spitzer checks himself into some sort of rehab to "fix" him from what supposedly caused him to make such arrogant choices.
The 3 Spitzer girls will have to cope with their father's transgressions even on their wedding days as their father stands to walk them down the aisle, perhaps with sheephisness rather than bursting his buttons with fatherly pride. For the rest of Spitzer's life, no one will ever forget what he has allegedly done with prostitutes--and for the rest of their lives, too, his three daughters will be associated with this fiasco. Whether any one of them is applying for a job later in life or introducing their father to a potential husband to be, all parties involved will know what crimes Elliot Spitzer (allegedly, so far) committed to disgrace himself and his family in 2008.
For those of us who are praying people, the most we can do is to pray for Elyssa, Sarabeth and Jenna Spitzer as they cope with their father's very public mistake at their tender ages. Let's hope they and the rest of the family get expert counseling from a team who seeks to preserve the sacred remains, in that even though dad "messed up big time" they are and will always be, no matter what, a family.
Mid-life as a Miracle Time In Your Life
There is a great new book that has been recently discussed by Oprah on her TV show: "The Age of Miracles: Embracing a New Mid-life" by author Marianne Williamson. In it, she writes of the joy of being middle-aged. If you label middle-aged as a problem, it will continue to be a problem. If you label it as a new adolescence, a time to finally get it right in life, that's
what it will be. Do you dread getting older? Oprah Winfrey says the 50's are the greatest time in life, and that at 54 she is the happiest she has ever been. Why is this true? It is because she has claimed her mid-life miracle. Here's what it has to so with: as a child you were proud to say you were 7 and a half, with that half indicating you were close to the older age of 7. But if you notice, no one ever says proudly that they are 37 and a half! That's because we do not perceive the older ages, particularly the dreaded 50, to be the age of miracles unless it has to do with face cream being advertised on TV. Marianne Williamson says in her book that it is the PERCEPTION of mid-life, not the actual experience of living in your mid-life, that makes a person feel unhappy. She says it is key to realize in your mid-life that you need to stop trying to please everybody, and recognize that if you are not happy then not EVERYONE is happy,
and if you are not happy you cannot make anyone else happy. She featured Natalie Cole on her show, who gave herself a birthday cake realizing she had not always been patient in her life, but she could recognize moments of patience. She therefore gave herself a wondrous birthday cake, saying on it: "Happy Birthday to my best friend, me!" The new look at middle age says we need NOT to have "youth-itis" by lookibg back at a time when we had a firm butt and high breasts, but instead see middle age as a second adolescence, a time of true rebirth. She says it is a time to "burst forth" with our new self definition and way of living our daily lives. It would be like me going from the safe comfort of a safe family radio program with Tony and Dee as I do now on WARM 101.3 and suddenly transferring to Brother Wease's raunchy new program on the Fox 95.1 in that it would require an entirely new self-definitiopn by me which I am not sure
I even want. Marianne Williamson says no one forces you to think anything, so why think of mid-life as a crisis? Say to yourself it is a mid-life PROCESS, not a crisis of any kind.
Marianne Williamson says in this groundbreaking work that we can either live our lives "acting out of circumstances or acting out of a vision for our lives...would mid-life be the time to shut down, or would it finally be the time to get started? Would it be the time to hang out, or the time to start claim what we really want?...it is so important to NOT buy into the notion that by the time we've reached mid-life, our options are limited...it is not what has happened in your life so far that has the power to determine your future. It's how you interpret what's happened, and learned from what's happened, that sets the course for your probable tommorows."
I have read half or more of this book, and it has honestly gotten me to see the possiblities for my future rather than the limitations. Let's get a discussion going on line about this: do you feel depressed and powerless about your own mid-life or hopeful and positively expectant about your future? Write in here and share how you feel. Thanks!
