Meami Craig blog
Dr. Meami Craig is a proud Rochester native and has been the on-air Lifestyles Editor on "Tony and Dee in the Morning" on WRMM-FM (101.3) for the past 12 years. A graduate of Harvard University with a doctorate in psychology, Meami is married and mom to two children in college. She is "fascinated by all things human" and is known for her down-to-earth attitude and sense of humor on the air. Listen to her from 7 a.m. to 9 a.m. Tuesday and Thursday mornings on WRMM and call in live to tell her what you think. She can be emailed at meami_craig@yahoo.com.
Leaving for LA!
As I write this I am preparing to leave for LA to take my daughter Courtaney, age 20 there. She us going to be a summer intern on the tv show, "The Young and the Restless" as her major at Syracuse U. is film, tv and radio. We have been busy buying her bright colored clothes to wear on the set, and mapquesting the drive from her city apartment to Malibu Beach! My husband Bob and I are renting her a car when she is there as she will have to drive to the the the CBS lot where the show is produced each day--and back again. Do you think I might be just a little afraid for her driving all over LA on her own? The answer is a resounding yes! She knows no one out there and will have to make friends--quick! We have her staying at a safe, gated community in a luxury apartment that is super safe, but still, the thought of my BABY in LA just blows my mind! Early on in planning this adventure, Bob said to me, "Can't she just stay home and scoop ice cream this summer?" I understood how he felt--a part of me definitely felt like that too--but we have always prided ourselves on making our kids be self-reliant and strong. It's a family tradition; when I was 13 years old my dad flew to Chicago and back to Rochester with me to teach me how to fly on my own. At 15 he had me on the phone making all the flight and hotel reservations for family vacations--just to show me I was capable of doing that. How much freedom do you dare give to your children--or, if you are a young person reading, do you think your parents do a good job of letting you learn how to make your own way in the world? Write back to everyone right here on line! Thanks!
How To Deal with College Kids home for the Summer
Okay, the first thing that comes out of your mouth before your college aged child even has time to set down their backpack at home should NOT be, "You are under my roof and you will follow my rules!" First let them at least settle in, and then after serving their favorite dinner the first night gently bring up the topic of "house rules". Start out the discussion by saying that everyone in the houshold, even mom and dad, have to follow the "house rules". As in:
--You let other people know in the house when you are coming and going, especially what approximate time you expect to be back
--You refill gas in the car, and you do not leave the radio on so loud that the driver jumps out of their skin when starting up the car!
--You do not put a container back in the refrig or pantry empty
--Kids of age to drink ask mom and dad before they take their liquor
--Dishes are not simply put in the sink for someone else to load in the dishwasher
--Towels are not left wet on the bathroom floor
--Phone messages are actually written down
--Doors are locked at night
--Everyone lets the cook know if they will be home for dinner that night and at what time
--No lengthy long distance phone calls without asking first
--Kids do their own laundry
--PUT IT AWAY!
And then you can have a heart to heart discussion of curfews and how they still apply to college kids home for the summer. Now try to be flexible here remembering they really are not in high school anymore and they have been living at college with no curfew whatsoever for months. I still remember my beloved dad telling me it was not "ladylike" for me to come home at three in the morning! Be generous with yiur parameters, but set them and stick to it. What can you do if they ignore your request to be home by 2 a.m.? Have an adult to adult conversation with them about how that might keep you up at night worrying, how it's not healthy for anybody, how you trust and expect them to do the right thing and at least call to say if they are going to be later than that. And now I have a confession to make: my 20 year-old daughter Courtaney asked me how come I don't make her come into the masterbedroom to let us know when she is finally safely home for the night. The answer is simple: we have an alarm system and it goes "ding ding" whever the doors to the house open. My husband is in deep slumber, but all I have to do is look over at the clock to know she is safely home. We have not set an actual curfew with her, and she has not abused that trust. My son, now 23, in contrast had us calling bars late at night to see if he was there past closing when he decided not to answer his cell phone! And that's another leverage point: offer to pay for cell phone for the summer if they keep it turned on and answer it at all times, and use it regularly to check in. If they fail to do so take the cell phone away for a few days, and then give them another chance. You are not being an oger! It's good training for life to learn how to be responsible to others! Are you dealing with a college aged kid who is home for the summer break? The eagle has landed! Share with us here how you are coping, and let's get a discussion going. Thanks!
Do You "breadcrumb" Your Children?
Did you know that now you can buy a black box that attaches to your car and it will tell you where it is at any given time, how fast it is going, what kind of left turn it is making, etc.? It's true, you can! And you'd better believe if this technology was available when my kids were teenage drivers, I would have been at the front of the line to purchase one and install it right away! "Breadcrumbing" comes from the old "Hansel and Gretel" fairytale, and it means making a valiant atttempt to know where your kids are, who they are with and what they are doing at all times, especially when they are in a car. A brand new study reveals research that shows this is a negative, thing, because it indicates to your children that you do not trust them. If they think Big Mama is watching they'll try to get away with even more without her seeing it.
Overiding my trust in them was--and is--the conviction that I want them to be safe at all times. This is, of course, an impossibility. But it is true when your children go out into the world for a parent it is like sending your very heart alone into the world unguarded. I remember the first time my oldest child took the bus to kindergarden--I was all upset at the fact that I wouldn't know literally where he was. And I had known where he was since I found out I was pregnant with him up until the big bus riding moment. Now he is a sales rep who flies to cities around the world all by himself--he's a big 23 year-old success story, and it all started with the independence to ride the school bus!
This summer my 20 year old daughter is going out to LA to work on the set of the TV show "The Young and the Restless". I will stay out there with her for a week just to help her get settled, but then after I leave she will be driving alone on the fierce freeways of LA to get to the CBS lot for her workday. I was never a "helicopter" hovering parent--both kids will attest to that--but I was always trying to be emotionally available to them. Teenage boys in particular are like clamshells in that they open up for a brief moment when they want to share something with you, and you have to be ready to drop everything right then and get the scoop. In fact, I'd take my kids for fast food in the car when I really wanted to talk to them because the car was a "safe zone" where we were alone, we could pretend to be focusing on the food, they did not have to look right at me, the phone wasn't ringing--and we could really focus on what I wanted to get across to them.
Would YOU or will you be buying a black box for your car in order to monitor your teens at all times? Would the trust issue keep you from doing so, or are you more worried about safety and your own peace of mind? Let's get a dialogue going here on line and debate the pros and cons. Write in right here, right now and let's get going! Thanks!
A Challenge to Rochester Teachers and Principals
Fairport High School principal Dave Paddock is an amazing role model--and not just as a principal, as a total, self-actualized human being. First of all, he gives his cell phone number out
to students at the high school. Talk about keeping the lines of communication wide open! Second, he knows every single student by name, and there are thousands at the school. And third, he goes for breakfast at student's homes every Tuesday through Friday mornings, just to get to know them better as individuals, and to get to know their families--especially siblings--as well. If a student calls Dave's cell phone to get the phone number of a teacher, he gives them the teacher's home number quite freely. It seems to me this fosters an attitude of trust and honor--Dave Paddock trusts his students and their families not to abuse the privilege of having his own private cell phone number, and they honor that by not abusing it. I hereby challenge all principals of all high schools and middle schools here in Rochester to give their private numbers out to students and their families as a show of trust that will not be taken advantage of. Teachers should dare to do the same. This should be done in the spirit of support, great communication, and postive change. Write me back in response to this blog and let me know if you do so, and how it goes for better or worse. Test scores in Rochester are sure to go up, as is morale! Thanks!
